Family ties

The Trimors, so beautifully depicted here, represent my former perception of “family”

– a father, mother, & children

PHOTO CREDITS: Victoria Carberry, PCV

"Naklimutan ko (I forget), how are you related to Justin?"
After ten minutes of winding explanations...
"So…Justin's father is your cousin’s daughter’s sister-in-law’s son?"
"Hu-od (yes)"
"Oh wow, okay. So Justin's father works in the U.S. How about his mother?"
"She lives and works in the city."
"Ahh, malapit na! (very near!). So she must come and visit Justin often, right?"
"Ahh, no. Not really."

Justin lives with his "grandmother," who isn't actually his biological grandmother (a distant relative at best), but for all practical purposes, she is his grandma and primary care-giver. His father is an OFW, a term you’ll see plastered all over customs in Manila. Overseas Filipino Workers are extremely common here in the Philippines. Everyone you meet here is sure to know someone who is currently working abroad or has worked abroad in the past. Now I’m fixing to get off topic…back to Justin.

I meet so many children here like Justin with strikingly similar family situations, and I just can’t imagine what life must be like for them. To grow up without a mother or father, yet both your parents are still alive and you never get to see them. Unfair, right? I often wonder what kind of impact it has on a child to be abandoned by his mother or father. With Justin, my sympathy only extends so far because then I start to think of Justin’s assets, and like many Filipinos, he is surely rich in social capital. He has many friends here, all of the neighbors know him by name, and he is surrounded by loving relatives. He visits his uncles, aunts, and cousins often, as they live right down the street, and despite his father living 10,000 miles away, he still has positive male role models just around the corner.

Growing up, I had quite the traditional childhood experience, living with both of my parents and two full-blood siblings. All my cousins grew up the same way, with both parents in the house from birth till present. Back then, I never thought twice about how else a family could look…about single-parents, migrant workers, abandoned children, or being raised by a distant relative, like Justin’s "grandmother." Although broken families have become more and more common, especially here in the Philippines, I think there’s still hope for these children. Social capital is key; having strong communities with neighbors and relatives forming tight bonds can help fill the void of a distant father or an absent mother. 

A very wise friend once told me, you don’t have to define your family by blood…closeness and affection are enough to justify family ties.